The time for the Florida, Republican Primary has finally arrived. I wonder if Gingrich will again promise to build us a colony on the moon (more on that later). Actually, I suspect that the big issue tonight will be housing. Florida residents have suffered massive foreclosures, and I’m not just speaking about former homeowners. Many renters of apartments—especially in Sarasota—received less than five-day’s notice that the banks had foreclosed on their landlords, and that they, the renters, needed to take a hike. Perhaps you’ve heard the story of an entire apartment community put on the street two days before Christmas.
Another talking point we can anticipate in the upcoming debate is the question of: Which candidate can defeat President Obama come November 6th? Each presidential hopeful wants to convince republican voters that he, and he alone, can overthrow Obama. Republican voters have little love for Obama. At one of Gingrich’s recent speeches, his supporters took up the chant: “Send Obama back to Kenya.” Lovely people.
Setting aside the subjects of housing and Obama, Gingrich has spotted another talking point. In Orlando, NASA recently lost government funding. That means that people like me are competing with rocket scientist for low-paying jobs none of us want (or will likely get). At this point, if American astronauts wish to repair their own satellites already in orbit, they will have to hitch a ride with the Russians. John Fitzgerald Kennedy ought to turn in his grave.
So Newt Gingrich has promised to fund a space station on the moon, one he says will become the fifty-first state in our union and provide “tourism.” This is not just ridiculous, acid-trip crazy. It’s also presumptuous, egotistical crazy, as Gingrich has promises to complete this space station by the end of his second term.
Personally, I believe Gingrich knows how idiotic this sounds, and I can’t imagine him following through with the promise even if he could. However, just by making the claim, he can convince many Florida residences that he will breathe fresh life into NASA and our country’s space program. A little hope can go a long way.
Let’s talk Santorum (the presidential “contender”) shall we? Has anyone seen any ads by this guy lately? I live here in Florida, and, so far, I haven’t heard a peep in weeks. Now, it could turn out that he’s peppering the airwaves, and I’ve just missed him at every turn. I have a theory, though. You see, while anyone with the slightest mathematical talents can see that Santorum hasn’t a prayer of winning the primary—much less the election—his lingering in the race is (if polls are to be believed) taking votes away from Gingrich. Is it possible—and I can’t stress enough here that I am speculating—that Romney is giving Santorum an under-the-table incentive to stay in a race he can’t win (and no longer even seems interested in)?
At this point, I’m sick with bipartisan politics. I’m sick of elections. There seems little alternative, though. Right? Well, hang onto your hats, folks. I present the following proposal. I call it My Super Awesome Fix Everything Plan. Here’s how it works. In DC, we build a giant “Circle of Death.” Stay with me here. We then arm all the presidential candidates with Whiffle Bats. Finally, we raise the gates and have the candidates perform the Sacred Whiffle Duel.
You can’t look me in the eye and tell me that this makes any less sense than the system we already have in place.
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