The Single Worst Role Model for Young Girls

            Last March, a movie called Sucker Punch arrived in theaters. The movie starred a group of young women who beat up robots, samurais, zombies, dragons, and creepy guys with drawn-on mustaches. These girls fight while wearing wonderfully sexy outfits. I see nothing wrong with this. I rather enjoyed it, to be honest. However, a fellow student of mine at the University of Central Florida felt differently.

This student shared with me her disgust for Sucker Punch. She insisted that the females starring in it had set a terrible example for her impressionable, seven-year-old daughter. What a seven-year-old was doing in an R-rated movie is beyond me, but that’s not the point I’m working towards. The point I do wish to address is that when I asked my fellow student what movie she did consider a fine example for her daughter, she said without the slightest hint of hesitation, “Snow White.”

            Snow White? Was she kidding me? Snow White is, hands down, the single worst role model for any impressionable, young girl.

            For those six or seven people unfamiliar with its plot, Snow White is the story of a princess who has no redeeming qualities beyond her beauty (though I remain unimpressed) and her ability to not club to death every animal she comes across in the forest (what the hell was she doing in the forest, anyway?). She spends her existence singing about how, “Someday, my prince will come,” because she certainly can’t think of anything else to do with herself beyond marry the first dude who comes knocking and do whatever the hell he tells her to.

Jealous of Snow White’s beauty, her stepmother (who’s wicked—big surprise) orders this guy—who’s the “royal hunter” or some damn thing—to arrange an “accident” while taking Snow White out hunting with him. Think of him as the world’s very first Dick Cheney.
And it's not as if anyone would ask questions, right? I mean, the sweet, innocent princess goes off into the woods with some dude, and an hour later the dude returns, drenched in blood and without a princess. Who would raise an eyebrow?

            But the hunter “rescues” Snow White by not killing her. So does Snow White seek revenge against her stepmother? Does she ask to borrow the hunter’s pump-action Remington so that she can settle the score? Of course not. She does what the hunter tells her to do, which is run pointlessly deeper into the woods because that makes a hell of a lot of sense. So she unquestioningly does as she’s told, and, being a helpless, sniveling, pain in the ass, gets lost in the forest and weeps. So she is then rescued by deer.

            I’ll repeat that. She. Is. Rescued. By. Deer. Deer! They guide her to a cottage shared by seven dwarfs (because child services hadn’t yet been founded, I guess), and she follows the deer without question, lives with the dwarfs without question, does as they tell her without question, and proceeds to take no charge of her life, whatsoever.

            Then, the wicked stepmother (I don’t know why I’m bothering to specify which stepmother. Whitey only has one) tries to kill Snow White, who of course is helpless to defend herself because she has a sense of independence rivaled by most fetuses. Fortunately for her, Prince Charming happens by her funeral, sees her, and thinks, Hey. A corpse. I should kiss that. That would be totally charming. So his kiss resurrects her, and then he says, "Bitch, get your ass on my horse," to which she says, "Yes, sir." I don’t even think he asked her how she feels about the idea; I think she just sort of smiles and keeps her mouth shut.

            My point is that, violent as the girls in Sucker Punch might have been, and as disinterested in any sort of dress codes as they were, at least they made decisions for themselves. That might have been the whole point of the movie. Whereas in Snow White, the protagonist does nothing. She makes not a single decision and fails to evolve in any way during the course of her adventure.  She just falls helplessly from one man’s arms to the next (and those belonging to a deer or two). Snow White is the worst role model imaginable, and her singing sucks.

Is there anyone out there?

You are now entering the workforce. Many of you will begin your careers in another state. In doing so, many of you will separate from your girl- or boyfriends. Alone, you will journey to another part of the country, away from family and friends, where you know no one.

Imagine your coworkers, most of whom will have families to go home to and little interest in “hanging out after work.” Perhaps this will describe all your coworkers, subordinates, and boss. It’s certainly feasible. You will be new, and younger, and perhaps hold political and religious opinions that differ too far from their own for them to accept.

Your separate schedules will impede upon your ability to telephone your parents. You trade emails, wondering how many will it take to forget the sound of Dad’s voice.

You keep tabs with your friends by using Facebook, or perhaps some fresher, more distant form of communication. You will try to make new friends. Perhaps you will search for a local writer’s workshop, only to discover that the only ones available are online. You will decide to meet people by returning to school and learning a new language, only to discover that these classes are also online. The clubs and bars will be half empty. The people who would inhabit them are at home, clicking away on a keyboard and staring, mesmerized, into a glowing screen, the only source of light in their bedrooms.

When you require help with something (fixing your toaster oven, let’s say), you will consult with a virtual assistant, with whom you will communicate online. Or you could submit your questions on Yahoo Answers. If that doesn’t work, a recording is only a phone call away. You can probably find the number on the box in which the toaster oven arrived.

Technology will fill your life with wondrous conveniences. Your letters and bills will arrive by email, so you won’t have to answer the door for the mailman. The gate to your apartment complex will be automated, so you will not have to speak to a guard. After parking your car, you will approach the door to your building, which opens automatically, so you won’t have to tip a doorman on Christmas. You can download books, so you will never again have to step inside a crowded bookstore. No need to locate a coffee shop. Your apartment comes with a coffee and cappuccino machine. The microwave will erase your need of restaurants. You can even gamble online, download movies at the press of a button, raise a virtual pet, and really get to know the cast of the television program, Big Brother. Like sports? Buy a Playstation.

You will shop for those few items you cannot locate online. At the store, if you have questions concerning an item for sale, you can scan that item using one of the many scanners scattered across the aisles. The scanner’s screen will answer your question. The checkout lanes will be automated.

You will have to start paying back your student loans, so seeing the family for the holidays is a financial impossibility. Rest assured, though. You will receive several voice mails—it is a special occasion, after all.

Shiny keys

                I was lucky enough to have been born in this country. I am thankful for it. I am not proud of it. Why should I be? My citizenship required nothing on my part. I did nothing to earn it. It says nothing of who I am or what I have accomplished. This does not mean that I am ashamed to be an American (though I am occasionally embarrassed by the behavior of my brethren). I worry that if we too easily receive self-worth for what we are, we will more easily disregard the need to improve who we are.
                Many members of our government would rather that we take the position of, "Hey, man. My ancestors killed a lot of unarmed Native American women and children to steal this land, and we don't want you weirdos mooching off us by coming over here and working really hard just because a three-hundred-foot statue told you you could."

                Why do governments so desperately divide us? More importantly, why do we so readily allow them to define our enemies and allies? Centuries ago, our government convinced us that black and white people shouldn’t get along. Before that, they convinced us that the Jews and the Irish could not be counted on for a full day’s worth of work, and therefore should not be hired. Today, half the government tells half the people that they must fear homosexuals, while the other half tells the remainder of its people that they must resist the xenophiles. We are taught to fear Mexicans or fight with those who do fear them. The same lectures are given today in regard to Muslims.

                Our government has a good reason for doing this. Our politicians can get away with greater crimes and higher levels of incompetence so long as the masses are too busy quarreling to pay attention. The events that led to our very independence from Britain proved what can happen to a tyrannical government in the face of a united populace. So our legislators point fingers at homosexuals, Mexicans, Muslims, African-Americans, and feminists. The republicans point at the democrats. The democrats point at the republicans. They point everywhere save at themselves.

The greatest criminals in this country—wealthy, white men sitting in office—steal, lie, and accept bribes, all while siting the poor (especially minority groups) as our criminal element, disregarding the fact that the desperate situations possessed by the poor are usually the results of our government’s miscalculations and selfish policies.

Our politicians call Muslims the greatest threat to American lives, yet more American blood drips from our legislators' fingers than those of any other terrorist group. One might argue that the fingers of Muslim extremists would prove bloodier if not for the “protective policies” our government puts in practice. However, I argue that these groups would not target us in the first place, if not for those practices (granted, this invites a chicken-versus-the-egg agreement). In truth, the American government does not protect Americans from terrorists. America’s soldiers protect their government from the terrorists that the latter creates.

As long as we allow our government to pick our enemies for us, our government will always find someone with whom we should feel terror. So long as we remain The Divided States of America, we are as easy to manipulate as an otherwise unbreakable barrier blown to pebbles. Why else does our government operate as two opposing forces, democrat and republican? Why else does the subject of abortion—one that will clearly never resolve to everyone’s satisfaction—always surface in our capital? If you wish to distract your parents from your lousy report card, what better way than to remind Mom of Dad’s previous affair? Or to tell Dad that Mom just lost five hundred dollars in Vegas?

Drew is an American. Drew didn’t come to this country, learn a new language, or take an exam for citizenship. Drew was born here. Drew is proud of this. Drew thinks he accomplished something, but other than out-swimming a million potential brothers and sisters, he did not, at least not in regard to his birth or where it took place.

Drew looks down his nose at those who were not born here, such as Juan. Juan’s great-great-great grandfather lived here long before Drew’s family ever knew that America existed. The Spanish taught Juan’s great-great grandfather to speak Spanish and worship Jesus. The Spanish accomplished this through force. For decades afterwards, the land that would eventually be The United States of America changed from one white hand to the next. Southward, the Europeans pushed the tribes living in what is now Texas and New Mexico, into the desert nobody wanted.

                Today, Juan’s family is hungry. Juan can feed them if he jumps a fence and works very hard. He will work far more hours than the average American, and he will make far less than the average American. He will afterward make the journey home, leaving a world where the poor live like kings. He will return to Mexico with enough money to feed his family, but he will have nothing for tomorrow. Tonight, Juan can have hope or realism.

                Drew hates Juan. Drew fears that Juan will steal his job, yet at the same time, Drew believes that Juan is unqualified to perform it and unlikely to receive an offer to take it. Drew wants Juan to stay out of “his” country, a country that has one of the lowest population densities in the world. On television, the talking heads refer to Juan’s journey as an “invasion.”